After many steps forward I feel I have made a pretty big step back.

I was so glad for the quote from a friend of mine who has absolutely no idea how I am feeling right now, (nobody but God knows), yet he sent me a text message today with the following quote. “…do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you…” Isaiah 41:10

Not long after I read the following quote from Emerson on a twitter post from Mark J, ‘Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.’ 

Between them they were a lifeline and since you are kind enough to take an interest in my writing I will tell you why.

I have been really enjoying the MKMMA ride these last four or five months, I have been learning so much and at times felt I was almost flying into the new life of the person I intend to become. This last week I have been brought down to earth with a bump. I can’t say it’s a reality check because quite honestly my reality has changed, but I suppose other peoples reality is still where it was and now there is a gap between us  almost the size of a canyon.

The trouble is many of the people on the other side of this canyon are important in my life, (I don’t mean my wife because she understands me better than anyone), but nevertheless, important people with whom I am deeply partnered and associated are now thinking in a completely different way to me. It seems I have left them behind, at least for the moment.

I see an amazing new future with greater goals than ever before and aspirations that I know will greatly enhance our fellowship and through them our whole city.

We all agree that without a vision the people perish and for years the vision has been to hold on,  just keep everything ticking over, be faithful and guard our post…but now I see a window of opportunity that we must walk through while it is open… it will not stay open for long…but I see us advancing and taking ground…and I include all of us in the vision…and many people we have not even met yet will benefit from our boldness too.

Sadly the reaction I received last week from I man I love and trust has shaken me to the core. I know the root of his reaction was fear and not necessarily his own fear but he spoke strong yet negative words to me in a way he never has before.

I understand that I want to push the envelope, I realise its a big vision and it is possible that it will prove to be too big but we have to try, and if we try and fall down half way we will still have made a huge impact on our society.  However, instead of a peaceful discussion with council of caution and patience there was a sharp rebuke for even considering such ridiculous ideas.

So it leaves me with a dilemma regarding the three most important flash cards I am looking at and speaking out every day. In fact it has brought confusion and disorder in what was a seemingly straight forward growth progression.  I should keep it to myself, take it to God and wait on His perfect timing and the latter part is in fact what I will do, however I have chosen to write about it here because I am sure others among us may have similar issues and we might be able to help each other.

The three cards…

One is the single sentence DMP (Definite Major Purpose).  Obviously the things I want to become and the things I want to achieve and build as a part of my DMP are not just about me, they involve an extension of my existing work and many of my current associates.

The second card…“What am I pretending not to know?”  Well clearly I thought my closest associates would greet my proposals with excitement and faith but it is now obvious that I was pretending not to know they would hold on to their comfort zone for dear life whilst thinking I have gone crazy.

There would be a financial cost to get the ball rolling on my ideas and though it is one we are well able to meet I do think it is stumbling block. There are certain signs, things that are said, when money becomes the biggest issue and they have been shown as evidence. I am sorry to report that we claim to believe that our God will supply all of our needs and that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that the silver and the gold all belongs to Him. We quote that the treasures of the wicked are laid up for the righteous and then as soon as we are challenged with a financial risk we collapse like a house of cards. When will we realise that faith is an act?

Actually I am pretty sure the majority of the group would be excited to at least explore the possibilities and it is just a few who would stand in the way of progress, but I don’t feel it would be right to go over the heads of these few. They deserve respect and honour: they are good, well intentioned people and I will not dishonour them at any time.

So we come to the third card…“What would the person I intend to become do next?” 

The person I was would certainly be very angry and push through for his own way and if people were hurt along the way then it was for the greater good. Thankfully Machiavelli is dead and the person I intend to become is Whole, Perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy…although right now I must confess I am not feeling happy at all…but I will be patient like nature…giving thanks in everything and although I see the window of opportunity closing the principle of love must prevail. God can keep the window open or blow away the wall if need be.

This MMA group has been wonderfully encouraging all along but now it is not encouragement I seek but wise council. I am sure I am not the only one among us who feels they have outgrown some of their associates. It is not their fault they have not been along with us for the ride is it?  However the next step for me is to learn how to help them make the leap, how to communicate across the canyon and rebuild bridges that bring them on without me having to go back.

In the meantime I will not fear, for He is with me; I will not be dismayed, for He is my God. He will strengthen me and help me; He will uphold me…